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Today's Saying: We see others as we are. When we change for the better, how we see them changes, likewise.
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A master calligrapher was writing characters on a piece of paper. One of his students with keen perception was observing. When the calligrapher finished, he asked for an appraisal. The student promptly said it was not any good. The master tried again. The student disapproved as before.
Repeatedly, the master rewrote the characters. The student disliked it each time. Finally, when the student turned away, the master quickly erased the characters. "There! How's that?" he asked. The student turned to see and exclaimed, "That is a masterpiece!"
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One way of interpreting this Zen story is it teaches how the relative mind esteems something or someone based on its assumptions. The master, regardless of how he tries, cannot please the student. The obstacle is not with the master's calligraphy; it is with the student's inability to see the quality of the master's work and, so, appreciate it.
Since the relative mind of others usually does not see us as we are, this raises a question. The question is, "Why would we take so seriously what others think of us?"
We need self-respect and other-respect to care about how we present ourselves. This is mature, part of living together on this earth. However, we can invest too much concern about how we appear to others - that is, how they see us based on themselves - their expectations of what we are or should be, not who we indeed are. So, most persons do not see us; their relative mind looks at us and fits us into a mental picture based on their past. Hence, in the relative mind, there is nothing new, nothing fresh. You are looked at as a rerun.
This tale points out not only to how others perceive us but our perception of others. What Zen calls Big Mind, or Buddha Mind, is not the relative mind. Buddha Mind sees with clarity. Buddha Mind sees into others, so through appearance. Buddha Mind sees the other afresh. This is like saying Buddha Mind sees through excrement, saying, rather than "What sticky crap!," "What rich fertilizer!"
We have little choice about how others see us. We have more choice in how we perceive them. We can engage spiritual practice to reduce seeing with our conditioned mind, transforming our seeing to see more truly, to see through others, not merely look at them and automatically pigeonhole them or their behavior.
Jesus instructed, "Love others as you love yourself" (Gospel of Mark 12.31). We want others to see the goodness of our hearts, even when our outer behaviors or presentation might not meet their expectations. We wish for others to see our equality with them, not judge us based on appearance: sexual orientation, gender, political party, skin color, religion, the clothes we wear, where we work, what we drive, ... We enjoy being appreciated for who are and our work we put our wholehearted effort into.
We simply, like others, do not want others to project their expectations of their relative minds onto us and assess us thereby. And seeing through appearances is an excellent way to love others. We can do this without saying a word. This begins with our willingness to admit we need grace and discipline to transform our perceiving of not only humans but all things.
My dad criticized persons whom he saw smoking a cigarette. He did not do this to them but apart from them. It could be a total stranger walking along the side of a road. This got into my head. I would see persons and think or say things like my dad did. I felt this was justified. I recall the day when I finally saw a person smoking a cigarette without feeling that judgment or hearing those internal words of criticism. It felt good. It was a relief.
It feels good to relax our fuss about others and see them with love. The relative mind can be filled with this criticism. Yet, growing in seeing from the heart, even if a little at a time, is a huge step in the direction of kindness and respect. Our world so much needs tenderness and appreciation of others; we can do this one person, even one creature, at a time. Remember, when you change for the better, you see others, thereby.
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